How To Endure Marriage To A Domestic Slob

Marriage is tough, especially in the first couple of years when the honeymoon period is over, because you realize that your spouse would happily live in a pigsty if you allowed it and you also realize that bugging him about it makes no difference. You also realize that he actually thinks its ok to cut his toenails and leave the cuttings on the side of the couch and you notice that you're the one who thinks to do his only housework chore, that of putting out the bins (because he has forgotten). Toilet-cleaning is also left to you, as he never notices when he pees on the toilet rim and forget about him using the toilet-brush - what is such a thing for anyway?

Before you realize it, you have made a mental note of his "flaws", usually to do with his much-lower standards of housework, but you say nothing because you're meant to be a newly (and happily married) couple, you're trying to be the perfect wife and you don't want to rock the boat. Well let me tell you something - all this will do is prolong the agony because one day you'll wake up to more smelly socks on the floor, toothpaste stains in the sink, half-empty cups of tea left on the coffee table and you'll just lose it. You'll say things your mother would be ashamed of you for, things he'll never forget either. The poor man, living quite happily in blissful oblivion up to now, is suddenly subjected to a tirade of abuse emanating from his perfect wife, now a mad witch.

So, how do you communicate your displeasure of his domestic habits without coming across as a deranged psycho? Here are my tips (as a woman who was once an intermittently deranged psycho):

1. Begin the marriage as you mean to go on. Set the standards right from the start.


2. Realize though that you both need to live in the house/apartment, that there must be some give and take and thus maybe your standards need to drop a little in order to meet his. However, never compromise on what would be easily judged by you as a health hazard.


3. Sit him down and rather than saying "Why didn't you...", rephrase it to "Would you mind please doing......" Note that the former example would be defined by men as "nagging" but you get away with it by simply rearranging the sentence as in the latter example.


4. Set a schedule for domestic chores and/or define your individual roles. For example, his job could be cooking at the weekend (because you cook during the week), putting out the rubbish, taking the dog for a walk etc. Outline your pet hates such as him using the floor as the laundry basket. Point out where it is located and its function and tell him in no uncertain terms that if he doesn't start respecting it, he'll be sleeping in it.


5. Don't ever give him the laundry as his duty unless you want grey or pink underwear, instead of white.


6. Thank him when he takes the initiative on something, show him that you noticed and appreciated his efforts.


7. Don't ever let pass, an issue you feel strongly about.


8. And finally, relax a little on the small things and appreciate him instead for the trier that he is!

All easier said than done but with a little effort on both your parts, you can learn to live together in domestic bliss and your marriage can seem a breeze to the outside world!